Rambling on a train

Wait, is it on a train or in a train? I’m literally in a train, inside of the coach of the train, I’m not on the roof of the train…people who board the bus, are they in a bus or on a bus? Gosh, sorry, I’m too sick to be pernickety, please forgive me if I’m wrong. I promise I’ll find out someday, no, someone wise once said, someday ain’t a day in a week, so Friday, I’ll find out on Friday and then I’ll post on Tuesday about it. So yeah, I’m sick. I don’t know why I am so weak lately. Ever since last week I had terrible sore throat, then fever for almost 5 days, and now, I’m catching cold. Speaking of which, it’s freakish cold on this train. OMG, the on in thing comes haunting me again. Go away! I don’t wanna deal with you right now. I’m sick. I tend to have this, I’m sick, I don’t wanna deal with everything kinda mode. And I think it’s a big problem. I can’t say that I’m sick and I don’t wanna take my final examination. I had to and I did. I sat through 2 hours just now for a paper – Language Testing and Assessment, oh shoot, I thought I could escape this but apparently I can’t, yes, I’m going to be an English language teacher. I know my English has to be perfect, at least that’s what everyone around me expects me to. I said I’ll figure out the preposition on and in thing later okay?! I’m sorry, I’m a bit edgy when I’m sick. Maybe it’s also because I’m sick and tired of people, literally and figuratively, that they always think I should be correct and accurate, I should know everything about all the words in English all the time as if they have forgotten that I’m a human being and human err. Then again it’s true, I should master what I learn so that I can teach later. So each time I’m being put on the spot, I quietly admit that I didn’t know something and will get back to them later. And, thanks to my iPad, I almost always can reply them satisfyingly and instantly and after receiving some snarky criticism and sarcasm, I did learn something. So, I was saying, that I had to answer my exam questions for 2 hours when I was constantly sneezing. It wasn’t cold at all in the exam hall but I kept sneezing, probably due to the stress. You see, it makes me ashamed, last week I talked about dealing with such mind-over-body tricks and now, my physical health is letting me down. I guess I sort of gave up on trying, so it wasn’t that my tricks didn’t work, it was me. I remember how I self-healed myself while I was having flu the other day. I seriously went from sneezing the whole morning to feeling so good in the afternoon. My secret weapon was smiling genuinely and living in the moment. I remember hanging out with my friends and didn’t bother to think about my assignment, it worked like charm. But this afternoon, I lost the will to control my body. I couldn’t think straight. There were some questions dealing with calculations, I hope I didn’t press the calculator wrongly or else I’m doomed. I was so sick I drank so much water earlier and during the exam, I had to go to pee, it was so crazy, I barely had time to finish the paper and I had to go. Thank God, the washroom was just next door. Anyway, I find myself not taking my examination seriously this time. In fact, I didn’t take anything too seriously. I did study, I promise. Just that, I find myself having a lot of time doing other things other than studying. Perhaps I’ve gotten over the “nothing-is-more-important-than-exam” thing, or maybe I’ve just learned to be balanced. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ve skipped exercise because of the haze and my illness. What I mean is that, I’ve learned to play hard and work hard. I figure I can’t spend all my day studying, that is so not productive because half of the time I’d be just scanning and not absorbing. But why, why when I learned to wind down, I’m down with the flu? I really hate to be sick. I guess nobody likes it anyway. I’m not a pleasant patient. Good thing I’m delusional, if I’m not, I’ll be grouchy and irritating to be around with. Ahhh, thank God the sneezing stops. You know how I feel when I can’t stop sneezing? I feel like chopping my nose off. It’s crazy and I bet people around feel annoyed and unease. They might be worried that they will catch the virus as well. I totally understand if they wanna shun away from me. I’d wanna shun away from me! Ergh, okay, I think I’ve rambled enough. I’m one stop away from my new home. I should probably switch my laptop off. Oh yeah, I feel grateful that the person sat next to me left an hour ago, leaving me with an empty seat so that I could put my bags on it. And, I got to take my legs up so that my feet are warm from my ass. Alright, I’m really done typing. It’s amazing you read through this whole blog post. I know it stinks. Forgive my ill soul. See you next Tuesday with a more sober me *fingers crossed*.


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