Relationship 101

“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. I mean, to me, that’s one of the most important parts of a relationship.”– Elaine Benes, Seinfeld

I believe men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I believe these two creatures will face many challenges when they are trying to be together. Well known fact: Human is easy to love but difficult to live with. Time does not only heal but it reveals; it reveals everything. It’s possible but improbable for someone to hide his or her true self in the long run. And true self is always flawed, freckled. True self is subjective and subject to change. Timing is a bitch. What’s worse? Meeting the right person at the wrong time or meeting the wrong person at the right time? Is there a standard procedure when it comes to breakup? Perhaps.

To some people, love has an expired date. On that day, love no longer covers the wrong. Love no longer has an effect of making everything alright. Love fades and truth seeps in like a thief. You will start seeing things differently. You will start noticing something that did not bother you before. Maybe people never changed; maybe they are just behaving the way they would after some time. True color does not have to be perfect. You aren’t perfect either. However, you have every right to choose what you want to tolerate and what you don’t want to. All’s fair in love. You are a human being who has needs, emotions, feelings and rights. So you fell in love and gradually or soon you realized that this person ain’t what you’re looking for, a big problem right there, what are you going to do next? Identify the problem(s), why isn’t this person the “right” one for you? What goes wrong? What made you fall in love in the first place? What kind of problems? Is it unsolvable? Or is it you who don’t want it solved coz that’s a problem right there. Everybody is a fixer-upper. But when you mention this problem with your partner and ask them to change, would it matter? Change is a long and painful process. Do you think it’s worth it? Do you think you can wait? How sure are you that changes will happen or bad habits won’t come haunting again? Is the chipped mug deserved to be fixed instead of being replaced?

You have really just three options to consider after you have identified your problems. You can either accept, change or leave. Whichever option you take, be ready to have regrets and please shake them off because regret is the only thing that’s too late. Accept your partner for who they are. Accept the status quo. Be okay with everything. Or make changes. Work out the issues with your partner, make adjustments, be flexible. Change him or her, change yourself. Or better yet, leave. Take off. Walk away. Run away. Get lost. Go missing in action. Change your number, be unreachable. Let friendship resume at its most opportune hour. Never ever make someone your whole world because when that person fails you, you have nowhere to go. Love takes two willing hearts. I wish you can wake up every morning and fall in love with the same person and that person will do the same to you but breakups happen. And if you allow yourself to, you will find someone else again. So, there, there. It’s okay.



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