Shame on me…

Upon the second month of working, I’m receiving more and more tasks every single day. Apart from high demands from the administration department, I have to deal with the students who crave for my attention and not to mention, the parents who are very much concerned with their children. At times, I wish to clone myself so that I can take care of every aspect of my role perfectly. As a recovering perfectionist, I must admit that I am exhausted and frustrated with myself. The constant nudge of “more can be done” is seriously nerve wracking. “I’m only human…,” I hummed.

Stealing a bit of time from my busy schedule to write this piece of blog post is a habit I thankfully can still stick to every Tuesday; however, many of my habits have sort of faded away. For instance, I stopped yoga. Ever since I hurt my back switching from dolphin pose to downward dog and vice versa, I seem to have convinced myself from stopping this intense 5-minute training. Shame on me.

I have also shamefully allowed my working life to take a toll on me in respect to pursuing my own selfish dream. I said yes to everybody and everything else and said no to my dream. I’ve said a lot of things like “not now, baby,” “I’m not in the mood, I’m tired,” “I can do it better if I were well rested.” The truth is, I don’t know if I’ll ever be well rested or I’ll ever find the “mood” to do it.” DO IT NOW, SOMETIMES LATER MEANS NEVER. I get it, but…There’s always a but.

I feel like I’m doing a lot of reflections in my head as I go about my day but I never actually wrote it down, or I never wrote it down in one place anymore. I used to have a habit of writing in my journal or to be exact, typing in my journal, I dwindled the frequency from every day in a week to once or twice in a week. And when I finally “found” the time to write, I’ve forgotten most of the things I’ve pondered or mulled over.

The following image is best used to describe my current state. Pray next year I will not be making this mistake again!

 

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Chinese idiom (虎hu头tou蛇she尾wei); Meaning: Begin with tigerish energy but peter out towards the end.

 

Lesson learned: Start small and finish strong. Don’t be overly ambitious at the beginning. Learn as you go, take in only as much as you can, the rest will take care of itself.

 

 

 

 

 

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